For over 25 years, we’ve been helping family members in business together achieve sustainability, typically involving the transition of leadership and ownership to the next generation. Most often, it means helping members of the younger generation “take hold” and attain the competencies of leadership, and helping seniors plot a new phase of life, retiring from the business, moving to a chapter of significance. Our focus is primarily on the “tangibles” – on roles, responsibilities, titles, managing communication and on mentoring the next generation to have the attributes worthy of the coveted black leather chair. Never before has it meant supporting the next generation in the transition to work with another firm where sustainability is not about the enterprise, but about the individual and his or her set of skills.
And too seldom have we focused sufficiently on the emotional aspects of this change – especially what it feels like for the senior generation.
Earlier this month, David, my son for almost 47 years and my business partner for 8, announced his alliance with The Family Business Consulting Group. While that possibility was a topic of discussion between us for more than a year, it really “hit home” with his e-letter a few weeks ago. When I saw the first draft of his letter, it looked great. The next day, I thought there should be a few edits, and then came the final draft. For David, it was exactly what we’d agreed upon, and for me, I had the need to “wordsmith” it some more. With a smile, I told him it looked like the old bull was going out to pasture. As we talked, David suggested my wordsmithing was less about the words and more about the reality setting in. It wasn’t about the message looking like the old bull was heading out to pasture, but about my feeling like the old bull was heading out to pasture. Wow, what an eyeopener!
That’s when my son’s empathy was expressed and he encouraged me to put my thoughts in writing – as therapy for me and as a message to others.
I launched Transition Consulting Group in 1992. It was my second career, following my first as third generation in our family’s business. When David joined me, it was a dream come true. A father-son team consulting to multi-generation teams living the same lives as we were- facing similar joys, challenges and opportunities. How better to serve others than to be living their same lives? Together, we’ve worked with more than a hundred families facing the all the topics we face and more.
We wrote a book together, So You’re in the Family Business: A guide to sustainability, published in the fall of 2016. During the time we’ve consulted together, we’ve had frequent conversations about the sustainability of our own business. The clock never stops ticking and we needed a plan for David’s career to grow as mine slowed down and David’s invitation to join The Family Business Consulting Group allows for just that. As a father, I totally embrace the change and understand it truly is the best of both worlds. David can continue to grow intellectually and practically with the alliance of a premier team of family business experts. And, we will still be able to continue our work, when appropriate, as a father-son consulting team.
I’m filled with a sense of pride and achievement that our values endure and work together has helped David reach a level of maturity in his career so his professional services will be sustained. Certainly, Transition Consulting Group will continue and though we’ll still work together as opportunities present themselves, David’s new individual engagements will be under a new umbrella. I realize it’s not about the continuity of our business, it’s about the continuity of David’s professional knowledge, skill and experience. I know he’s not leaving me, rather, he’s transitioning to a new level, one that will allow for immense growth and opportunity. I accept this with mixed emotion.
For me, it’s about my being able to manage my mixed emotions. If time had not passed, David would never be in this enviable position. Yet the fact that time has passed presents challenges and a need for acceptance all its own. There is a part of me that has a feeling of sadness -perhaps prompted by the knowledge that my grey hair will never be brown again and I can’t reverse the pull of gravity. There’s a feeling of anxiety and loss, akin to when the kids leave the house or get married; they are still our children, but there’s a new stage of life on which they are embarking. I understand it’s not about “leaving,” it’s about “moving forward.”
I recall the remarks of one client facing succession. He said, “I’m, not sure how comfortable I am with my son’s success, look at what it says about what I couldn’t do.” As easy as it might be to dismiss this statement and painful and selfish, it was penetratingly candid. He could connect with his own emotion and self-image. While this is a reflection at one extreme, there are others who face the challenge of succession with no connection to their feelings. I suspect the desired approach is to find something in the middle – to have a positive outlook that recognizes ambivalent feelings – pride and loss- and can yet let go, move on to focus on what is best for both the younger and senior generations.
This reflection on my own feelings provides me with a greater understanding of our clients and the changes on which they embark. Just as the younger generation members advance as the process of succession takes place, so does the senior generation. It’s not so much about letting go as being able to move forward. As my friend, Barrie Greiff told me years ago, when I opted to sell our family business, “Until you know where you’re going, you’ll never let go of where you’ve been.” I look forward to continuing my consulting work and devoting energy to others in need, such as inner city minority owned business through the Initiative for a Competitive Inner City (ICIC) founded by Michael Porter and led by Steve Grossman.
As I work to gain a sense of peace and comfort with my own aging and focus on what’s next in my career, I feel better equipped to understand what our senior clients are going through.
Yes, age does take its toll, but this old bull isn’t quite ready to take leave. My empathy for other seniors has reached a new level of awareness, and I look forward to continuing to serve as a resource to families, businesses and educational institutions.
